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essay revisions

done!

praise the Essay Gods

i survived without killing my professor

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Enough!!

Sometimes- yes.

But for a week straight and counting?!!!

I’ve had enough of me already!!

Make it stop.

I just want to laugh again and skip and dance and be HAPPY!!

No more mood swings, plz!

Escaping

I don’t think I can stop myself from escaping into my little dream world today- the world where I avoid all responsibility whatsoever, get absolutely nothing of any importance done, and wistfully waste my time perusing Etsy and Anthropologie and playing on Polyvore and ShopStyle.

I know, I know. I had every intention of buckling down this week and studying my fanny off, but I’m just so tired!!! I’m so tired of running, working, trying, pushing, and on and on. I just want to play for awhile.

The leaves are changing and the air feels cool in the morning. I just want to go walking and listen to music and take it all in and free my mind of deadlines and assignments and to do lists.

This is the part where I crash from all the busyness I was craving just three short months ago.

This is the part where I would much rather spend hours here:

or here:

Gigantic sigh!

Andy went to his parents house a few days ago and I was in a pouty mood all day that I couldn’t go with him and sit at the kitchen table chatting with his mom or wander around their yard and feel envious of all their flower beds.

I talked with my mom last night on the phone and we sadly realized that it’s been a couple months since I was at her house. That makes me very unhappy because she is alone there and I just want to spend the day painting crafts or raking leaves or baking cookies with her.

And I miss my sister who lives so far away! I want to take a weekend to visit her. Take the half day car trip with my music turned up loud and nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company. I want to do our nails together and go shopping and play with the puppy!

And I’m still crying over the fact that I can’t buy books and I WANT BOOKS!! I wish that was me at that desk and this was a room in our house.

And I can’t get these little treasures out of my mind that Andy and I saw weeks ago when we were at Urban Outfitters.

I keep trying to get ahead with school work and money and everything else, so I can afford to take a break and indulge myself, but it never seems to work. I just continue to crawl along at this painstakingly slow pace and it makes me so frustrated!!

Sometimes life is so not fair and even I have a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

FB

My little cousin, Landree, is the cutest thing ever! She messaged me on Facebook today just to say ‘Hi cousin!’

She wanted to know how old I am. When I told her 28, she said “WOW! That’s old!” Ha ha!

I must seem ancient to her. I swear the last time I saw her she was only 3 or 4, and now she’s 10, going on 11 soon.

It made me think of what a great thing FB can be for families who don’t get to see each other that often. Landree and her family don’t live near us and we miss seeing them a lot.

It’s fun to be able to keep up with everyone through the internet and have such a convenient way to stay in touch with each other’s lives.

I have several friends from high school that I thought I would never see again, but have been able to reconnect through FB. Sometimes my mom talks of her very best friends that after high school she never saw again and she often wonders how they are doing. How nice it would have been for her to have something like Facebook then.

I have a friend who says “Oh, that’s so stupid. I would never get a Facebook and feed in to all that craze.” And I just think how sad for her that she is missing out on the opportunity to keep in touch with so many good friends and family.

Anyway, that small little chat with my sweet cousin, totally made my day and I owe it all to FB for keeping us in touch.

24

just got the news
my younger sister is going to have a baby

she hasn’t told anyone yet
other than mom and i

i’m so extremely happy for her & her husband
and excited to be an aunt for the first time

i’m excited for my mom to have
her first grand baby

so why do i feel this tiny
pang of jealousy?

i know i’m in the right place in my life
i know it’s not my time
to be married or have babies

it’s hard coming out of a divorce
and feeling like you have to start all over again

in a way, i’m glad it’s not my time
but sometimes i wish it was

23

boy was i in a slump this weekend
what a bad weekend for the bf to have a birthday

not only was i in a slump
but i had mandatory training
for job 3 the night of his big day

he was annoyed
i was frustrated

i took him to breakfast
and then i had to jet off to work

what have i gotten myself into?
a weekend job that will take me away
from family and friends
but will give me that extra
income i so desperately need

why is life so not fair!