yesterday was pretty cool

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Yep, I finally got my bachelors degree. Everyone kept asking me if I was excited and to be honest I wasn’t. But not because I didn’t think it was freaking awesome that I was graduating. It was because I wasn’t allowing myself to get excited. My college years have been riddled with bump after bump after bump in the road, all threatening to throw me off course- and at times succeeding. Call me superstitious but I was really afraid that if I got too excited about graduating that I would jinx it. I even imagined that right before walking out someone would come take my tassel away and say, “yeah, you’re not actually graduating,” due to some clerical error or some crap like that. So I didn’t dare get all hyped up until they’d actually called my name. When I walked up and shook the Dean’s hand and took my diploma- that was the first moment that I got all jittery inside.

So now the day after it actually feels real….and really good!!

xoxo-Kimberly

PS- My family, Andy’s parents, and Andy were incredibly supportive and encouraging to me. They are a huge reason why I was finally able to make this happen and I really love them for that.

30 Days Hath November: Day 23

Day 23: Eight things you didn’t know about me

1. I don’t care for chocolate. I’ll eat it but it’s not my favorite.
2. I prefer having a few very close friends to having a ton of acquaintances.
3. My husband and I met online and later found out we went to the same high school and even knew some of the same people.
4. I’m scared to drive in the dark because other people’s headlights throw my depth perception off.
5. I prefer my pancakes to be covered in butter and sugar, not syrup.
6. Almost every day I wish that I was expecting a baby/had a baby.
7. I didn’t eat red M&M’s until after I married Andy and he convinced me that they weren’t poison.
8. I don’t like watching pair’s ice skating because I’m deathly afraid that someone’s going to get their ear sliced off by a skate, yet I’d like to put my little boy (if I had one) in hockey because I think it’s super cute.

What’s something I don’t know about you?

xoxo-Kimberly

30 Days Hath November via So Fawned

The list:
Day 01: A self-portrait.
Day 02: Three inspirational quotes.
Day 03: Something I never leave the house without.
Day 04: A friend I adore.
Day 05: Three years ago today.
Day 06: A book I’m reading.
Day 07: A song for the day.
Day 08: The last item I purchased.
Day 09: A close-up of my day.
Day 10: What I love about my job.
Day 11: Something I’ve been craving.
Day 12: Three blogs I can’t get enough of.
Day 13: Something I’m proud of.
Day 14: A favorite movie.
Day 15: Some style inspiration for the season.
Day 16: Someone who inspires me.
Day 17: My family.
Day 18: What I wore today.
Day 19: A silly self-portrait.
Day 20: A childhood anecdote.
Day 21: Something I could never tire of.
Day 22: Some place I’ve traveled.
Day 23: Eight things you didn’t know about me.

Day 24: Something that means a lot to me.
Day 25: The contents of my purse.
Day 26: Something I’m looking forward to.
Day 27: Myself, one year ago.
Day 28: A skill I’d like to learn.
Day 29: Some place I’d like to visit.
Day 30: Three wonderful things that happened this month.

30 Days Hath November: Day 21

Day 21: Something I Could Never Tire Of

This guy:

Cheesy, I know. But it’s the truth. I could say pumpkin lattes or my books or shopping or whatever, but in the end, he’s everything. Even on days when I need my space, I love that he’s never far.

xoxo-Kimberly

30 Days Hath November via So Fawned

The list:
Day 01: A self-portrait.
Day 02: Three inspirational quotes.
Day 03: Something I never leave the house without.
Day 04: A friend I adore.
Day 05: Three years ago today.
Day 06: A book I’m reading.
Day 07: A song for the day.
Day 08: The last item I purchased.
Day 09: A close-up of my day.
Day 10: What I love about my job.
Day 11: Something I’ve been craving.
Day 12: Three blogs I can’t get enough of.
Day 13: Something I’m proud of.
Day 14: A favorite movie.
Day 15: Some style inspiration for the season.
Day 16: Someone who inspires me.
Day 17: My family.
Day 18: What I wore today.
Day 19: A silly self-portrait.
Day 20: A childhood anecdote.
Day 21: Something I could never tire of.

Day 22: Some place I’ve traveled.
Day 23: Eight things you didn’t know about me.
Day 24: Something that means a lot to me.
Day 25: The contents of my purse.
Day 26: Something I’m looking forward to.
Day 27: Myself, one year ago.
Day 28: A skill I’d like to learn.
Day 29: Some place I’d like to visit.
Day 30: Three wonderful things that happened this month.

30 Days Hath November: Day 20

Day 20: A Childhood Anecdote

A story from my childhood? Hmmm…shall I tell you the one about when I fell in poop or the nicer story? In the spirit of thanks and giving I think I’ll tell you the nicer story. But I did fall in poop once- up to my armpits. It was not pleasant. I think I’ll save that story for another day.

Anyway…I don’t really know why this story popped in to my head the other day, but it’s a good one so I’ll share it. As you know, my sisters and I grew up dancing. It just so happens that there was another family of three girls about our same ages that grew up dancing with us. Our moms became friends and the six of us girls became friends over the years. We all really loved to dance and perform and would take any opportunity to do so. Our moms always supported us 100%.

So one summer we girls put together a program of sorts. In the program we each performed solo dance routines and then we would dance together. We decided to take our little program around. Our mom’s made some phone calls and arranged for us to perform at a bunch of nursing homes throughout Northern Utah and Idaho. We spent several weeks driving around to all these nursing homes putting on our little dance program. It was a lot of fun!

The finale of our program was always a routine set to patriotic music that involved streamers or capes or some other prop. We also signed part of the finale music (as in sign language.) It was always a great end to our program because there would usually be a veteran in the audience who would stand and put his hand over his heart during the song. Sometimes many of the others in the audience would follow suit. So our program always ended on a very patriotic and moving note.

One day, however, was extra special. Throughout the program there was an elderly woman sitting in the front row who was watching but didn’t seem as engaged as the other audience members. When we reached the finale (which was God Bless America) and started the sign language section this woman lit up, got a huge grin on her face and started to cry. Then she started to sign the words to God Bless America with us.

Turns out she was deaf and although she had been enjoying the program, she couldn’t hear the music we were dancing to. But when we started to sign, it surprised her and made her so happy. If you can imagine being deaf and in a nursing home — there wouldn’t much opportunity to communicate with the nurses or other patients via sign language. It could make a person feel very lonely.

I can only think how excited she must have been to be able to ‘connect’ to someone for one afternoon. It was such an amazing experience for all of us little girls to realize the impact that we’d had on this woman. We were so happy that we could make her day for that one afternoon. We left her with a gift- the American flag that we had used as a prop during our finale. She was so happy.

I think that experience will always stay with us girls. We always just wanted to have fun and dance and share that with anyone who would give us the time of day. It was so wonderful to use our program to make people happy. It turned out to be a great summer and we have always been grateful to our moms for setting it up for us and driving us around to all of the locations.

So that’s one of my childhood anecdotes! Here we are just before Thanksgiving and I realize I have so much to be thankful for. One thing I’m thankful for is any opportunity I have to help another person or make another person happy.

xoxo-Kimberly

30 Days Hath November via So Fawned

The list:
Day 01: A self-portrait.
Day 02: Three inspirational quotes.
Day 03: Something I never leave the house without.
Day 04: A friend I adore.
Day 05: Three years ago today.
Day 06: A book I’m reading.
Day 07: A song for the day.
Day 08: The last item I purchased.
Day 09: A close-up of my day.
Day 10: What I love about my job.
Day 11: Something I’ve been craving.
Day 12: Three blogs I can’t get enough of.
Day 13: Something I’m proud of.
Day 14: A favorite movie.
Day 15: Some style inspiration for the season.
Day 16: Someone who inspires me.
Day 17: My family.
Day 18: What I wore today.
Day 19: A silly self-portrait.
Day 20: A childhood anecdote.

Day 21: Something I could never tire of.
Day 22: Some place I’ve traveled.
Day 23: Eight things you didn’t know about me.
Day 24: Something that means a lot to me.
Day 25: The contents of my purse.
Day 26: Something I’m looking forward to.
Day 27: Myself, one year ago.
Day 28: A skill I’d like to learn.
Day 29: Some place I’d like to visit.
Day 30: Three wonderful things that happened this month.

30 Days Hath November: Day 19

Day 19: A Silly Self Portrait

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xoxo-Kimberly

30 Days Hath November via So Fawned

The list:
Day 01: A self-portrait.
Day 02: Three inspirational quotes.
Day 03: Something I never leave the house without.
Day 04: A friend I adore.
Day 05: Three years ago today.
Day 06: A book I’m reading.
Day 07: A song for the day.
Day 08: The last item I purchased.
Day 09: A close-up of my day.
Day 10: What I love about my job.
Day 11: Something I’ve been craving.
Day 12: Three blogs I can’t get enough of.
Day 13: Something I’m proud of.
Day 14: A favorite movie.
Day 15: Some style inspiration for the season.
Day 16: Someone who inspires me.
Day 17: My family.
Day 18: What I wore today.
Day 19: A silly self-portrait.

Day 20: A childhood anecdote.
Day 21: Something I could never tire of.
Day 22: Some place I’ve traveled.
Day 23: Eight things you didn’t know about me.
Day 24: Something that means a lot to me.
Day 25: The contents of my purse.
Day 26: Something I’m looking forward to.
Day 27: Myself, one year ago.
Day 28: A skill I’d like to learn.
Day 29: Some place I’d like to visit.
Day 30: Three wonderful things that happened this month.

30 Days Hath November: Day 05

Day 05: Three years ago today

To be honest, I almost skipped this one. I really didn’t want to talk about three years ago today, but I hate starting something that I’m not going to do all the way. So here’s to keeping it real. Judge not, please?

Three years ago today I was the shell of a person. I was at the tail end of a divorce. Only I didn’t know at the time that it was almost over. At the time, all I knew was that the process had dragged out for over a year. I was broke and facing another bill from my lawyer who I had just sat down. I know she could see that I was past my breaking point. “Don’t worry. It will be over soon,” she promised. I left her office feeling defeated. I just wanted my life back.

The past year had been so hard. I had moved three times and had been forced to drive three hours a day to a job I hated just to try to stay afloat. I felt guilty constantly because my mother and sisters were taking care of my cat and dog for me. I couldn’t keep them where I was but I couldn’t bear to give them up. Then my dog, Ash, mysteriously injured herself and ripped a hug hole in her armpit. That injury just kept getting worse and worse. Vet visits continued for months trying to get her better. Not only was I facing lawyer bills, but now I owed the vet a crap load of money. I also owed my grandparents money who had graciously helped me get the divorce process started.

That summer my grandmother took a turn for the worse and was admitted to the hospital. She had been sick for a long time and it wasn’t looking good. I called in to work four days in a row because I wanted to be at the hospital with her, my grandpa and my mom as much as I could. I had one of those jobs that didn’t care why you were absent and I started getting verbal and written warnings that I was about to lose my job if I didn’t come to work. But I didn’t want to leave the hospital. My entire family was standing around her hospital bed late one night waiting for her to take her last breath. I think we all wanted her suffering to end, but no one was really ready to let her go.

After my grandma died, it just seemed that things would never get better. I was coaching competitive dance that year at the high school and feeling like a complete failure. I’d done so well with the team, even winning Coach of the Year, the previous January that everyone expected so much of me. I was stressed to the max. My mental and emotional state was so bad that I couldn’t focus on the team. I was depressed and found it impossible to be a positive light at early morning practices. My team could sense that things were off and it made me feel even worse. I wasn’t the coach that they knew and loved. I didn’t have the energy to organize fundraisers. I canceled practice when my depression kept me in bed in the morning.

I was normally very driven, motivated and uplifting example to those high school girls, but it was all crumbling. I decided it would be my last year coaching. I needed to get myself together. I wasn’t doing this team any good anymore. I struggled through competition season and the devastating blow of not making it to the State competition was enough to do me in. The guilt was intense. I knew I hadn’t pushed and encouraged these girls like I should have. I’d been too wrapped up in my own problems and I felt responsible for their failure to make it to State.

Needless to say, three years ago today was a bad time. Very bad. There was one little spot of awesomeness in my life, but I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to notice it. I had met Andy and we had started dating off and on. I had dated a little bit before meeting him at the encouragement of my friends who were desperate to pull me out of my slump. But no one had stood out like Andy did. His awesomeness and the fact that I had fallen for him was just confusing to me. I couldn’t focus on him when my life was a shambles.

So basically I was at the bottom of the bottom. But isn’t that always were you end up before you get up again? Miraculously a month later, things started to turn around. I got a call one day out of the blue, “He signed. It’s over!” I pulled my car over to the shoulder of the freeway and sat there crying for a good forty five minutes. Everything that I had held in for over a year came out in the form of huge gasping sobs. I felt the clouds begin to part.

Although everyone was sad at the absence of my grandma, we ended up having a good Christmas that year. My debt was taken care of when the settlement went through. I started making plans to get a place that would allow me to have Ash and Mauney with me. Ash was her old self again and the scar was barely noticeable. I enrolled in college and got excited about graduating! I went to counseling sessions and yoga and pilates. I joined the environment club and signed up for volunteer activities. I started to get my shit together.

And the biggest miracle was that Andy was still there through it all. I stopped doubting how much I loved him and stopped being so self centered. I stopped questioning my relationship with him and realized that it didn’t matter if the timing seemed to be weird. My determination to go it alone and stay single forever faded and I started to think that there was a possibility that I wouldn’t be afraid to get married again someday. I was willing to give our relationship a chance and see where it went.

Anyway, all that feels like it happened ten years ago. It’s surprising that it was only three years ago and that it all happened in that one year. It’s incredible how quickly and drastically your life can change for the worse or the better. That year taught me a lot about myself and even though I’m glad for those lessons, I really never want to have another year like that again.

xoxo-Kimberly

30 Days Hath November via So Fawned

The list:
Day 01: A self-portrait.
Day 02: Three inspirational quotes.
Day 03: Something I never leave the house without.
Day 04: A friend I adore.
Day 05: Three years ago today.

Day 06: A book I’m reading.
Day 07: A song for the day.
Day 08: The last item I purchased.
Day 09: A close-up of my day.
Day 10: What I love about my job.
Day 11: Something I’ve been craving.
Day 12: Three blogs I can’t get enough of.
Day 13: Something I’m proud of.
Day 14: A favorite movie.
Day 15: Some style inspiration for the season.
Day 16: Someone who inspires me.
Day 17: My family.
Day 18: What I wore today.
Day 19: A silly self-portrait.
Day 20: A childhood anecdote.
Day 21: Something I could never tire of.
Day 22: Some place I’ve traveled.
Day 23: Eight things you didn’t know about me.
Day 24: Something that means a lot to me.
Day 25: The contents of my purse.
Day 26: Something I’m looking forward to.
Day 27: Myself, one year ago.
Day 28: A skill I’d like to learn.
Day 29: Some place I’d like to visit.
Day 30: Three wonderful things that happened this month

30 Days Hath November: Day 01

Well, I’m a little late but I think I’ll jump on board with this little challenge. I originally saw it at educated…not so domesticated but it comes from So Fawned (which is where you can link up and get the button if you’re so inclined.) Here we go:

Day 01: A self portrait
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After dinner my pj’s go on and my hair gets thrown into a pony tail if it’s not already in one. My most favorite thing to do in the evening is to prop myself up in bed with my laptop, a book, my journal, some magazines, a crossword puzzle, my Ipod or all of the above and just chill until I’m tired enough to fall asleep. That’s what I was doing when I took this self portrait. I’ve got an early start tomorrow so I’ll probably turn on my audio book soon and let myself fall asleep to it.

xoxo-Kimberly

Here’s the list for the whole month:

Day 01: A self-portrait.
Day 02: Three inspirational quotes.
Day 03: Something I never leave the house without.
Day 04: A friend I adore.
Day 05: Three years ago today.
Day 06: A book I’m reading.
Day 07: A song for the day.
Day 08: The last item I purchased.
Day 09: A close-up of my day.
Day 10: What I love about my job.
Day 11: Something I’ve been craving.
Day 12: Three blogs I can’t get enough of.
Day 13: Something I’m proud of.
Day 14: A favorite movie.
Day 15: Some style inspiration for the season.
Day 16: Someone who inspires me.
Day 17: My family.
Day 18: What I wore today.
Day 19: A silly self-portrait.
Day 20: A childhood anecdote.
Day 21: Something I could never tire of.
Day 22: Some place I’ve traveled.
Day 23: Eight things you didn’t know about me.
Day 24: Something that means a lot to me.
Day 25: The contents of my purse.
Day 26: Something I’m looking forward to.
Day 27: Myself, one year ago.
Day 28: A skill I’d like to learn.
Day 29: Some place I’d like to visit.
Day 30: Three wonderful things that happened this month.

feel my pain find me time

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It all started last weekend when I woke up Saturday morning around 4am with horrible pain that ran from the base of my neck all the way down my spine and around under my right shoulder blade. I honestly don’t know what the heck I did to myself!

Sunday was even worse. Andy literally had to lift me out of bed because I couldn’t bend in any way. The pain was excruciating but I kept thinking that it would work itself out. Well, it didn’t.

Two days later Andy had finally convinced me to see a doctor. I was prescribed heavy duty pain killers, muscle relaxers and rest.  I also started sleeping with an ergonomic pillow which seems to give me some relief as well. It’s now almost two weeks later and I’m feeling much better. The pain is still slightly there but thankfully I can bend, turn my head, and get myself out of bed.

Anyway, my point is- I need to make my health a priority and work on keeping my body healthy and strong and stress free!! I’m convinced that my back and neck pain has been caused by sleeping with a stressed out mind and a weak body. The doctor asked me if I was stressed and I said, “Well no. Everything seems fine. I’m taking 20 credit hours but…” he cut me off to tell me that sometimes we really don’t realize just how stressed we are. He’s right. Stressed doesn’t have to mean frazzled. It can mean that I simply have a lot on my mind- a heavy burden I’m carrying around up there at all times.

Combine that with the fact that I no longer have the strong core muscles of a dancer or the flexibility to handle sleeping in funky positions that I used to and that leads to pain. So what’s a girl to do? There’s not much I can do about the 20 credit hours except continue to try to do assignments ahead of time to avoid last minute stressful crunches but I can work to get my strength and flexibility back.

So I need to work out. But when? Why does there never seem to be enough time in the day to do the things we really want to do? Because I really want to work out. And why is my husband always so smart and saying things to me like “I guess we just have to make time.” And why is making time so much easier said than done?

ps- “I Like it Like That” Hot Chelle Rae hits ITunes October 4. Is it nerdy that I’m totally counting down the minutes until it hits my IPod? I don’t care. Admit it- you sing along too.

just like oops

RED- As in the color of my cheeks this morning when I walked into class fifteen minutes late. Why was I late? Because I actually forgot that I had that particular class at that particular time. When I finally realized that I was supposed to be there, I was already clear across campus and had to turn around and go back. Not my finest moment.

What can I say? I’m still getting used to this new schedule and I have about a million things on my mind. Like the four terms papers I already know I have to write and the 29 books I have to read for one of my classes. Yikes! (Each book is only around 200 pages, but still- that’s a lot of reading for one class!)

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1. via mooreaseal
2. via this is glamorous
3. via anthropologie
4. via dottie angel

Anywho, I’m back on track now and in the right place, so hopefully I can keep it together from here on out. Sigh!

xoxo-Kimberly